Grieving During the Holidays

Yesterday I took part in a “Grieving During the Holidays” class at work. I was reminded I’m not the only one grieving this year, even though it feels like it sometimes. Friends have lost children, coworkers have to get used to their kids being grown and living away from home (I’m one of them!). Matriarchs and patriarchs pass away, and the next generation must pick up the mantle and carry on for the children. Family dynamics change, and so traditions must, as well. Change is hard.

For me, this year, I’m both very thankful for my new life here in Columbus, Georgia, and feeling pretty hopeful about the future. I’m also missing my step-children and the life we had together prior to my divorce last year from their dad. I’ve had people say things like, “Don’t waste your time grieving them … be grateful you don’t have two more kids to raise!” or “What would possess you to want to take on two more kids?!! You’re free.” and I was just shattered at these comments. People mean well, but obviously, they had no idea I had so fervently loved them, even before I even met them. I had two kids of my own when I met their dad, but since I was a little girl I always knew I’d have four kids, two boys and two girls. I loved those two kids just as much as I loved my own. I prayed or them, cherished them, and felt like my life was finally complete when they came in to my world. I felt like my world finally made sense when they came into my life, as if I’d finally gotten it right or the Universe had finally been set right.

So, yeah, this Christmas is hard. I am going to attempt to go Christmas shopping today with my youngest child because I haven’t done any shopping yet. My heart sinks to my feet each time I walk into a store. I tried a few days ago and had to just turn around and go back to my car. Everything just feels so upside down this year. I haven’t even put up a tree or baked any Christmas goodies. I did decorate my apartment and office a bit, mostly for my daughter’s sake. I’ll find a way to make today fun for her, and we’ll end the day with some really good food.

In the class yesterday we were reminded that when you’re grieving during the holidays, it’s perfectly okay to take a step back and not celebrate as usual. I’ve already had a talk with my two children, letting them know we will take a trip together next weekend, spending two whole days together, and they’ll be given the trip and cash only this year. Mama just isn’t up for the usual gift giving and surprises this year. And, that’s okay. I will not spend my life pretending to be stronger than I am. That’s not healthy for anyone.

My mom reminded me yesterday that this is just a season in life that’s taken a dip, and it’s certainly not the ending of my story, of our story. God stories are happy endings, and if it’s not good yet, then God’s not yet done. [GOD IS] NOT DONE UNTIL IT’S GOOD… the song says. Mom sent me this song, and it was such an encouragement to me, I hope it encourages you, as well …

I’m not suicidal, but I know people who are struggling this year.

• In 2020 alone, the U.S. had one death by suicide about every 11 minutes.

• For people aged 10 34 years, suicide is a leading cause of death.

For Suicide Support Hotline Call or Text: # 988