25 Years of Following A Truly Good Man

This month marks 25 years since I chose to follow Jesus Christ & learn His ways.

I was 18-years-old and had just returned home to Georgia after six months of independent living in Colorado away from my family. We had an evening church service in the church I had grown up in, where I sat on the back row in mauve covered chairs. That night I had a personal encounter with Jesus, and I knew there would never be any turning back. He introduced Himself to me, and set my soul on fire.

I had accepted Jesus as my Savior at the age of seven, but I never really lived for Him or felt convicted when I made unwise decisions. That night, sitting in my parent’s church, almost immediately, my focus and heart’s desires changed. I was His and He was mine, and I knew I’d never be alone in this life. I knew He had a plan for my life that was bigger than me, and I had to let Him lead me down that path.

For the following 13 months I learned the Bible cover-to-cover as I sat on my bed surrounded by my high school memorabilia and stuffed panda bear. I was a baby, but I was growing fast, and so excited about the new adventure I was on. I fasted on nothing but water for 30 days, and was in awe of the things I was seeing and absorbing during that time. The months flew by. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more alive.

I distinctly remember praying two prayers in my early walk with Christ:

1. Father, break my heart so completely, the whole world falls in. (a Mother Teresa prayer)

2. Give me the knowledge and tools to really, truly help people who are suffering

What have I learned through all of my highs and lows since then?

I have not been perfect, FAR FROM IT, but He has been perfect in His love towards me and mine. He answered my two prayers. My heart has been completely broken, my compassion and empathy expanded, and He gave me the tools to know how to take a damaged person and guide them to wholeness.

I cannot imagine taking the hits this life has thrown without my powerful and unconditionally loving Friend by my side. He’s never quit on me, no matter now many times I’ve failed.

Life with Jesus doesn’t mean you’ll have an easy life. It means you’ll never be alone, even when it’s hard. It means the temporary suffering now doesn’t compare to the joy that’s coming. It means when He asks you to give up all of your earthly desires and wants to follow Him, He has a really good reason for it. It’s ONLY inside of obedience we find our safety and purpose.

He wants to be our refuge in the storm of life, but we have to learn to do life His way, a better way.

In my early years I believed laying down my life for Christ was the only way. Then, over the years I heard many “prosperity gospel” preachers talk about how God wants you to have a blessed, easy, prosperous life. This set me up for a lot of disappointment, as I felt so let down when life continued to be impossibly hard, lonely and disappointing year, after year, after year, after year …

When I say I spent the last 25 years in misery, I truly mean it. Motherhood, and a precious few friends, have been my only source of joy. I’ve suffered divorces, the loss of precious step children, loss of dear friends, chronic illness and financial struggle. It all seemed so unfair, and at times it made me wonder if God loved me. Did I make Him so mad at me somewhere along the way He had His face turned against me?

I know I thought I was doing the right thing when I married, took certain jobs or served in certain churches. And, yet, they all ended in tears. Had I missed Jesus’ guidance somewhere along the way, or is hardship something we have to accept in this earthly life?

Then Jesus went to work on his disciples. Anyone who intends to come with me has to let

me lead. Youre not in the drivers seat; I am. Dont run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and Ill show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self. What kind of deal is it to get everything you want but lose yourself? What could you ever trade your soul for?

Dont be in such a hurry to go into business for yourself. Before you know it the Son of Man will arrive with all the splendor of his Father, accompanied by an army of angels. Youll get everything you have coming to you, a personal gift. This isnt pie in the sky by and by. Some of you standing here are going to see it take place, see the Son of Man in kingdom glory.

Matthew 16:24-28 (The Message Bible)

Disappointment and self-pity are the most dangerous of all emotions in any relationship, and it’s no different for followers of Jesus Christ. My disappointment overwhelmed me for many years, and I walked away from Jesus’ ways for a while, angry and hurt. No, I was obliterated. Erased. Completely broken. I could barely hold my head up, much less behave like a proper Christian. Even then, He never turned His back on me. He’s always been compassionate, loving, merciful …

I don’t know why I’ve had so much struggle and loss, and I may never find out why on this side of Heaven. One thing I know now is I am still whole-heartedly in love with Jesus, and I only want to do life with Him. If He’s not leading and guiding me, I have no interest in continuing. I’d rather have a hard life with Him, than an easy one without Him. You can’t put a price on the kind of friendship I’ve had with Him for a quarter of a century. I genuinely feel like the best is yet to come, in the next life if not in this one.

I asked a hairstylist who had been married a little over a year how she had handled the first year of marriage. She said, “It’s been so much harder than I thought it would be, but I can’t imagine doing life with anyone else. I don’t want to do life with anyone else.”

Amen. That’s love. It doesn’t quit when things get hard. It transforms, grows and knows there will be years that aren’t so great.

If I had to go through all that hardship to learn that valuable lesson, then I suppose it’s all been worth it.